Blog Entry 4: Somewhere in Between

When I think of growing up, I refer back to my high school english teacher lecturing my class on the criteria that makes one a man. It was after reading the novel, To Kill a Mockingbird, and we were discussing Atticus Finch, a lawyer in the novel who defended an innocent Black man in 1930’s Alabama. Finch is often depicted as a fictional image of racial heroism in high school classrooms across the U.S., and in ours, he was argued as the perfect representation of a man.

“What makes one a man is doing the right thing even when it’s not popular, even when it’s in fact, quite difficult,” my highschool teacher said. I sat and thought about this definition for a while, wondering if the same criteria goes for a woman, if one can switch back and forth between childhood and adulthood and most importantly, wondering if one day I will be able to embody this definition.

Fifteen-year-old me wrestled with the idea for a few weeks until it was later forgotten. However, I still think about this definition when hitting the many milestones in my life.

Now that I’m 20 years-old, I still ponder on whether I’ve truly become a woman. There are days where I am steadfast in who I am and, more specifically, the morals I’ve set for myself. These are the days where I feel as if I’ve finally reached the threshold of adulthood and will not turn back. Then, through a relapse in judgement, I feel like I end up falling back into adolescence.

So what was the point of this whole spiel?

There are a lot of factors at play when becoming an adult, but I think the most distinct challenge — similar to what my teacher said — is making sacrifices in order to uphold responsibilities. This is something I have practiced in adolescence, but is becoming more prominent as I enter into adulthood. There will be times where I fall short of this. But, as long as I’m willing to grow from past experiences, I would not only qualify myself as a woman, but a pretty dang good one at that.

When I think ten years down the road, I hope I’ve mastered the art of doing the right thing even when it’s difficult. This demands a character of utmost empathy and assertiveness, qualities I continue to strive for as a young woman as it will allow me to have a keen understanding for when I need to prioritize others around me and when I can be selfish in my choices. I have yet to find a perfect balance between the two, but I’m confident I’ll soon find that sweet spot.